An Empty Classroom, A Writer's Dilemma, and Tomorrow's Empty Schedule

So here I am sitting in an empty classroom, waiting for students to turn in their final essays (so those of you who might think I'm neglecting my duties writing this), thinking about a couple of things that have been bothering me the last couple of hours.

First, I've been doing some research on publishing houses and literary agencies. It's terrifying to think I may not have a book others would consider publishable. Also, I found out earlier that it would cost a lot (a helluva lot) of money to have Createspace.com proofread and edit my book, something like $3,000+. After reading over a couple of agency websites, I'm further troubled because I'm not entirely sure what genre my book fits in to. I believe it's a Young Adult book, but it could also be a Children's Book. My problem is that my plan for sequels will take it further into the Young Adult realm and out of the Children's realm, and they may even segue out of the YA category. I do believe I've found an agency I like, and it's not the one I mentioned in a previous post. Some of the books the other agency listed as selling I've never heard of. The new agency I've found has the credentials and expertise I'm looking for, plus they want author's to query specific agents. I like the tone of their website and of the agents.

I'm still wondering if I should self-publish my book through and online platform, like Createspace.com. The major problem I see with that is editing. I'm not exactly the best editor and it's unfair to ask my friends to do the work of an editor for free. So if I throw my book out there and discover it is littered with error after error, I'll be just as crushed if every signal agency and publisher rejected my book.

The other problem I'm having tonight is with one of my classes. I have no idea what to do with my students tomorrow. The section we're in is Cause and Effect, but I've already spent a lot of time on the topic and I don't want to overload them with discussion on it. I could go over tone but I don't have anything prepared for that. I feel as though I pack so much into the beginning of the semester that I have nothing to go over in the second of half. I guess I could start introducing them to MLA and research....

Research would be a good topic to go over tomorrow, "What constitutes good research?"

Hmmmm....

Does this make me a bad teacher? Probably. However, I believe it keeps me on my toes. I seem to work better when I'm under pressure (something my students frequently state). Improvisational exercises were a lot of fun when I was in theater. Being able to create a character, situation, and motivation based solely off your partners cues was an intense of way of making me think on my feet.

But, teaching requires a bit more preparation, which is something I'm learning with each passing semester. For every class, I create more content. Eventually, I will have enough to fill an entire semester, but until then I'll just have to wing on days when nothing is planned. Wait, that sounded bad while I wrote it. I did have something planned for tomorrow's class, only I've already covered it, twice.

Well, tomorrow I'll think of something. Tonight, I have to wait.

After rereading this particular entry (see, editing), I discovered it may seem strange to be waiting for final essays in one class while worrying about what to teach another. It all has to do with the fun of being a part-time college teacher. The two systems I work for run on different schedules. One school is in their final week this week, and the other still has five more weeks to go. Makes for an interesting schedule, doesn't it? Believe me, it's exhausting trying to remember when and where, not to mention the driving to the where.

All part of being a new teacher, right?

Catching Up on Spring Break

Well, good news, I've gotten over my mid-mester funk. And what's even better, it's Spring Break! True, only half of my classes are in Spring Break, but that's beside the point. I've been able to enjoy the days I don't have class this week.

And by enjoy I mean work.

I've told myself (reminded really) that I have two projects to work on during the three days I won't have to worry about classes: editing my book and writing a presentation for a conference. Surprisingly, the first has been completed (Yay!). The second, however, doesn't even have its own spot on my desktop. It will by tomorrow, I guarantee it... Somehow, when that last phrase popped into my head it had a thick Southern accent.

Anyway, yesterday, when I finished the second draft of my book, I found I was infinitely more excited about its completion than I was when the first draft was completed, which was odd because it had taken me around six years to complete.

Completing the first draft was a hard-won victory because I knew the book was not ready to read. The story had changed mid-stream. And now, I had to basically rewrite the first quarter of my book because of changes to the rest. It was quite frustrating because every small change meant whole paragraphs and pages were either changed or deleted.

Happily, the last three quarters of my book did not take as long to edit. Everything fell into place. Now, I have to find someone to sell it for me because I'm horrible at selling myself, although I still have to sell myself to an agency. I'm bad with interviews. They're uncomfortable and awkward, and I'm usually very short and to the point, which means it probably looks as though I have no personality.

I believe I've found the agency I want to send my first query letter. The trouble is, I have to write the damn thing. I've written a book that's over 350 pages, 20 page essays, countless presentations, and I've written theater reviews for a local newspaper. So why do I find t so hard to write a letter extolling my pure awesomeness? Why is it so hard to write about myself in a professional context?

Sure, I have no problem writing about myself in a journal, or a blog. But the idea of writing to someone else and informing them that I am indeed a bad-ass, well, that's just insane. Or, at least I find the thought of doing so insane.

I'm thinking my main problem is that I'm unsure how others may perceive my writing. I am sure that some will not like it. I am sure that some will. But to write about my so-called excellence, well that's crossing a line somewhere in my mind.

While in school, I was always the student who sat in the back of the class, never raising my hand to answer questions (though I would know the answer), never participating in class discussion unless forced to, and yet I always made high grades. I usually let my work speak for itself, "warts and all."

It seems unfair to me for others to judge my creative work based on a form letter. However, this is how things are done. And so, I must follow the forms and standards (much as I teach my students to do).

Although there is another option: I could simply self-publish. Amazon sells self-published books and ebooks. It's definitely a possibility, and I like to keep my options open.

The Mid-mester Funk

It never fails. At some point during a semester I become overwhelmed with the desire to change jobs. During this period, usually around the mid-point of a semester, it's hard to muster up the energy to complete the grading needed to help my students. It's the mid-mester blues.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my students and I are in the middle of everything, a darkness so complete that nothing gets accomplished, and that goes for both my students and me.

This happened when I was student, but I had the luxury of taking classes I enjoyed, not to mention it was not the same class ALL the time. Teaching is different in that I find myself being repetitive, obviously, going over the same material over and over again everyday. Sometimes I throw something different in just to break up the redundancy.

Of course, my mid-mester blues could also be an effect of seeing the same disinterested people over and over again, or worse, being surprised when an even more disinterested student actually shows up to class. These students always intrigue me because it's clear, at least from their body/facial movements during your class. Clearly, they want to be somewhere, anywhere but in your class. I have this one student who shows up about once every couple of weeks, and the entire time this student is in my class he/she makes a face as though something rather smelly crossed his/her nose. Normally I find the faces students make while attending class quite entertaining, sometimes distracting, but mostly entertaining. It reminds me of when I was trying so hard to stay awake and pay attention, and if I couldn't focus on what the teacher was saying, I would at least direct my eyes towards the teacher's body and allow my mind to wander. Now, from the other side of the podium, I see that the effect is less than desirable: glazed, unfocused eyes and a slightly open mouth.

I don't know why but somewhere along the way I find the behavior of my students to be odd and disheartening. It's no longer funny when you know some of them are not passing your class. And for those who have turned in all their work, it's a little disheartening to discover that their skills have not improved much. All that work and discussion, all that time spent with their work, and it results in nothing. Status: unchanged.

How do teachers get out of this funk? Is this something other teachers experience as well? I wouldn't know because, as an adjunct, I don't have the time create much in the way of good work-relationships. I show up for class and office hours and that's it. At this point in the semester my fellow teachers and I are so overloaded with work that it's all but impossible to get in more than a simple, "Hello," or "Having a good day?" To which the response is usually a short, "It's going good" and then it's back to business.

I am not an old-hand at this whole teaching thing. In fact, I'm really green. This is just something I've noticed over the past year.

And I teach college. What do grade school teachers do? Just the thought of having to deal with all this and teach junior or high school is enough to pull me out my funk, pull up my big boy britches, and go to work with a smile on my face.