I've been trying to work on a new blog entry this past week, but haven't been able to muster up the energy to complete it yet, so in short I'm just as bad as my students when it comes to work. You'd think after completing graduate school homework would just suddenly stop, but it doesn't.
A blog entry is a kind of self-imposed homework, so does that mean I'm addicted to homework? I might be. I'm just that kind of wild and crazy guy.
Anyway, this week I was hit with something I had not thought of before. See, one of my classes are discussing argumentative essays, and for examples I provided them with two essays arguing over the significance of nooses. One article reminded my students of the noose's unsavory past in America and postulated that the noose, when connected with race, was a terrorist act reminiscent of the Jim Crow days. The other article argued that in today's society such displays of racism were cruel but should not be given the amount of attention they usually generate; in doing so, the media gives a platform for the perpetrators, gives them a voice when they should be silenced.
Really, which article my students agree with does not matter; what truly matters for me is that they engage in the discussion and formulate their own ideas. Well, our discussion veered off topic (of course) and I asked them for some other examples where fear dominates/dominated the actions of others. This is where I discovered just how innocent my students are, at least the ones that spoke up. They provided these examples: parents controlling their children through fear, politicians using scare-tactics to persuade the populace, and teachers using their authority to scare students (how terrifying am I?).
My students did not provide the type of examples I was thinking of when I asked the question. Of course, I try my hardest not to lead them in any one direction, preferring them to come up with their own ideas. However, while the discussion continued to veer far away from where I had thought it would go, I had an idea: These kids (because that's how I see my students no matter their age) don't know what it means to live in fear, an omnipresent force that guides your actions, sometimes without you even realizing it.
This is a good thing, for them, but they should realize that people still use fear as a means to assert their own power over others.
I'll provide a personal example. I came out of the closet late in my sophomore year of high school. I'd known I was gay for about a year and half, but had hidden beneath denial and the poor girl who was my girlfriend at the time. After coming out, I was lucky to have a wonderful group of friends who supported me; and since I was not an especially loud personality around campus, no one really bothered me. To tell the truth, I'm not sure how many people outside of my circle of friends knew. But that didn't change the fact that I was scared, scared to walk the halls of my high school by myself, and I was absolutely terrified to use the restroom in between classes because they were usually filled with adolescent males who seem to recognize fear when it walks into the room. Using the restroom, after all, is a vulnerable activity, and that was not the place I wanted to be attacked.
No, I was never beaten, but I carefully avoided using the restroom during peak times, and only one person ever seemed to have a problem with me being gay. Think about it this way: adolescent boys are usually aggressive and boisterous by nature, at least from my experience; I was not. I am a small guy; most other guys are positively giants from my perspective. In addition, I'm not very strong either, and many of the guys I went to school with seemed to be made of nothing but muscles. Now, in West Texas there wasn't an especially strong anti-gay element, but I couldn't help but hear "faggot" thrown around by the guys around me, probably not aware of me. I was sure aware of them, and I made it my business to avoid situations where I could be intimidated and potentially attacked to demonstrate my attacker's superior masculinity. After all, nothing harms the frail male ego like a effeminate boy.
The point of all this is that while many of the guys at my high school did not reach out to terrorize me, I still felt fearful, terrified to be alone. Direct opposition is easy to confront because it's up front and easy to see; indirect opposition is not so easy to combat. People have the power to affect others without being aware of it. Just because you have your friends' complete attention does not mean everyone else around you is ignoring the words coming out your mouth. I once overheard a fellow student call our 9th grade math teacher a "fucking dyke."
But avoiding single words alone is not enough. Just last night while my class was on break I heard a horrible joke directed towards women: "What is Cinderella played in reverse? A woman who learns her place." Most everyone laughed. But not everyone, and most certainly did not. "Harmless" jokes between friends can have a huge effect on how others feel, and can contribute to a fearful environment.
Of course, "faggot" and "gay" are not as terrifying as a noose hanging from an office door, but there are not too many steps between derogatory words and phrases and the kinds of violent acts the noose inspires.
A blog entry is a kind of self-imposed homework, so does that mean I'm addicted to homework? I might be. I'm just that kind of wild and crazy guy.
Anyway, this week I was hit with something I had not thought of before. See, one of my classes are discussing argumentative essays, and for examples I provided them with two essays arguing over the significance of nooses. One article reminded my students of the noose's unsavory past in America and postulated that the noose, when connected with race, was a terrorist act reminiscent of the Jim Crow days. The other article argued that in today's society such displays of racism were cruel but should not be given the amount of attention they usually generate; in doing so, the media gives a platform for the perpetrators, gives them a voice when they should be silenced.
Really, which article my students agree with does not matter; what truly matters for me is that they engage in the discussion and formulate their own ideas. Well, our discussion veered off topic (of course) and I asked them for some other examples where fear dominates/dominated the actions of others. This is where I discovered just how innocent my students are, at least the ones that spoke up. They provided these examples: parents controlling their children through fear, politicians using scare-tactics to persuade the populace, and teachers using their authority to scare students (how terrifying am I?).
My students did not provide the type of examples I was thinking of when I asked the question. Of course, I try my hardest not to lead them in any one direction, preferring them to come up with their own ideas. However, while the discussion continued to veer far away from where I had thought it would go, I had an idea: These kids (because that's how I see my students no matter their age) don't know what it means to live in fear, an omnipresent force that guides your actions, sometimes without you even realizing it.
This is a good thing, for them, but they should realize that people still use fear as a means to assert their own power over others.
I'll provide a personal example. I came out of the closet late in my sophomore year of high school. I'd known I was gay for about a year and half, but had hidden beneath denial and the poor girl who was my girlfriend at the time. After coming out, I was lucky to have a wonderful group of friends who supported me; and since I was not an especially loud personality around campus, no one really bothered me. To tell the truth, I'm not sure how many people outside of my circle of friends knew. But that didn't change the fact that I was scared, scared to walk the halls of my high school by myself, and I was absolutely terrified to use the restroom in between classes because they were usually filled with adolescent males who seem to recognize fear when it walks into the room. Using the restroom, after all, is a vulnerable activity, and that was not the place I wanted to be attacked.
No, I was never beaten, but I carefully avoided using the restroom during peak times, and only one person ever seemed to have a problem with me being gay. Think about it this way: adolescent boys are usually aggressive and boisterous by nature, at least from my experience; I was not. I am a small guy; most other guys are positively giants from my perspective. In addition, I'm not very strong either, and many of the guys I went to school with seemed to be made of nothing but muscles. Now, in West Texas there wasn't an especially strong anti-gay element, but I couldn't help but hear "faggot" thrown around by the guys around me, probably not aware of me. I was sure aware of them, and I made it my business to avoid situations where I could be intimidated and potentially attacked to demonstrate my attacker's superior masculinity. After all, nothing harms the frail male ego like a effeminate boy.
The point of all this is that while many of the guys at my high school did not reach out to terrorize me, I still felt fearful, terrified to be alone. Direct opposition is easy to confront because it's up front and easy to see; indirect opposition is not so easy to combat. People have the power to affect others without being aware of it. Just because you have your friends' complete attention does not mean everyone else around you is ignoring the words coming out your mouth. I once overheard a fellow student call our 9th grade math teacher a "fucking dyke."
But avoiding single words alone is not enough. Just last night while my class was on break I heard a horrible joke directed towards women: "What is Cinderella played in reverse? A woman who learns her place." Most everyone laughed. But not everyone, and most certainly did not. "Harmless" jokes between friends can have a huge effect on how others feel, and can contribute to a fearful environment.
Of course, "faggot" and "gay" are not as terrifying as a noose hanging from an office door, but there are not too many steps between derogatory words and phrases and the kinds of violent acts the noose inspires.
You really are masochistic, if you have an addiction to homework. LOL. Interesting blog post though. It's funny to me how different everyone's experiences of high school. I honestly did not know that you felt that fear when we were in high school together. And a mutual friend relayed his same fear to me about that time period not for many years until after we had graduated. Like you said, West Texas is not overly anti-gay, but in light of all the recent tragedies and what you've said, it's got me thinking. As a woman, I don't know that I've ever honestly experience that kind of pervasive fear. However, women's rights have a good half-century plus head start on gay rights. And really it wasn't until after I had gotten into the workforce and worked with people of older generations did I experience a mild sort of bias, oppression, derogatory thinking about my gender. I can't say I was ever personal exposed to the thinking that I was somehow inferior because of what was between my legs until many years after high school. And it's something that brews beneath the surface and is hard to explain...but it's not exactly fear. It's a frustration. It's a knowing that my thoughts and feeling will be automatically belittled by someone because of my gender. Once we get past the hurdles of legalizing gay marriage, etc where everyone is on equal footing...it makes me wonder how long it will be until these types of attitudes go away - racism, sexism, homophobia. I will admit that I laughed at the Cinderella joke - I'm twisted like that - but I can also admit that it disturbs me on a "gut feeling" level. And I know that isn't near to what gays have to deal with on a daily basis. Sorry for the super long comment, but I suppose that just means you had a thought provoking post. :)
ReplyDeleteHaha! Yes, Mel, I am a bit masochistic that way.
ReplyDeleteYes, it was a fear not overtly expressed because to give it voice would be to make it into something much larger. So, I kept quiet about how I felt. And, of course, I surrounded myself with great friends.
Women definitely have a few decades on gay rights, but there are a lot of similarities in the processes that occur. After it becomes publicly unacceptable to be sexist, racist, homophobic, whatever, there is a period of silent prejudice that also needs to be overcome.
Changing the minds of a society takes time.