Total Recall... I'd rather not

There were moments during Total Recall when I actually felt something, but it was mostly directed at the wrong character. In fact, much in this movie goes right (mostly under the umbrella of special effects), but there's even more that goes wrong. As a remake, this version begs an answer to the following question: Why? With two very good "reboots" out there in theaters today, I'd suggest to save Total Recall for Red Box, Netflix, Amazon Prime, or whatever rental/streaming service you use. And even then, you'd be better off with the 1990 version.

Total Recall (2012) follows the same basic storyline of the original, so there are very few actual surprises. The biggest "surprise" is that our heroes no longer have to worry about traveling to Mars. Instead, most of the Earth has been decimated by chemical warfare, leaving all but two regions inhabitable. A massive, for lack of a better word, tube connects the United Federation of Britain and The Colony (formerly Australia). Workers from The Colony are transported to the UFB every day to do factory work, mostly to build the robots that act as a police force.

Most of this is delivered in a prologue of sorts. We're also informed that space is incredibly limited and comes at a high price. Apparently, the UFB are the "haves" and The Colony are the "have nots". Poverty and crime run rampant in The Colony; at least, from what I can tell, because I didn't see much crime with the exception of a prostitute who can probably charge extra for her "extra goods".

Douglas Quaid (played by Colin Farrell) lives in The Colony with his wife, Lori (played by Kate Beckinsale). He has nightly dreams of running from police forces and being captured, but that's not all. Quaid sacrifices himself for a lovely woman, who we later learn is Melina (played by Jessica Biel).

Quaid is dissatisfied with his life, wondering if there could be more. One day, he decides to try Total Rekall, a company that specializes in providing a "vacation" of the mind. They implant memories into your brain, probably at a much cheaper rate than a real vacation. Plus, with only two possible destinations, where else would anyone go for a little R & R?

Of course, Quaid doesn't get to enjoy the experience because his "trip" is cut short by the operator who discovers that Quaid is actually a spy, much to the surprise of the man sitting in the chair. And of course, at that moment, police forces storm into Total Rekall and attempt to kill Quaid. Since he is the main protagonist of the film, I think it's safe to say that he survives.

Len Wiseman has an interesting style, but the biggest flaw in the film is its basic story. I was not moved by the plight of Quaid or Melina, which is depressing because I know Farrell is a good actor, quite capable of moving an audience. Unfortunately, the only character I was rooting for was Lori, which is an odd feeling since I found myself rooting for the woman set on killing Quaid. Beckinsale is so determined and ferocious that any scene without her is lessened. I kept waiting for her to return.

The special effects are very well done, but I didn't feel the same awe I felt watching the 1990 version, and I didn't feel any of the tension either. How am I supposed to truly believe that the UFB government would wipe out the entire population of The Colony all for more space? If Wiseman had taken the time to show some shots that established the need for more space, then maybe I would have believed it. As it is, what little I saw of the UFB looked to be pretty spacious to me.

"Living space" as a motivating plot device just simply didn't work as well as atmosphere. Many of us can live in some pretty cramped conditions, but none of us can live without breathable air.

The only action set piece I found fascinating to watch involved Lori chasing the protagonists through a massive elevator system. Again, I wished she had succeeded.

All in all, Total Recall is a reminder that very few reboots or remakes are necessary. I wish I had spent my money on something else. Oh well, not every film can be part of the Dark Knight trilogy. A movie like Total Recall made me wish I'd seen The Dark Knight Rises again instead, or at least spent the time watching the original that contained a more relatable Arnold Schwarzenegger.... which, now that I think about it, is a weird thing to write.