First Crushes, First Tears: My Earliest Experiences with Movies

Lately, I've been racking my brain over what favorite film to write about next. My first inclination is to write about all of them in chronological order, so that is how I will start, at least in the beginning; after all, I didn't watch all of them in the theater when they came out. But there are a couple of problems with some of those earlier films: I don't have all of them in my library and I'm unsure if I will be able to write an entire post about all of them; my memory, good as it can be with movies, just isn't that good. Now, however, I have a solution. Those earlier films seemed to have one thing in common: I often had crushes on the main characters. Of course, all of this occurred when I was less than ten years old; I'm twenty-nine now, so those crushes have faded, but they nevertheless left an indelible impression on that small boy squatted on the floor, head tilted upwards, soaking in all those beautiful images. Oh, and there were a few tears shed in those days, more than are shed today.


First Crushes: The NeverEnding Story (1984) and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)

Obviously, at a mere two years old, I don't remember the first time I watched The Neverending Story, although for some reason it is connected in my mind with an old memory of mine. I believe my family was visiting my grandmother, or at least visiting my mother's side of the family. I was playing outside, the images of NeverEnding Story filled my young imagination, and I found my way back into the house and into the living room where my parents and grandmother were watching a "for adults only" movie. Now, don't think my family was watching some "X-Rated" kind of movie; no, they were just watching a movie that us kids were not supposed to watch much less imitate, which is exactly what I did. One of the actors yelled something and thinking it sounded cool I repeated what he said. I thought it had something to do with bombs, but apparently I said something more along the lines of an "F-Bomb."

Needless to say, my parents were not happy with me repeating what I'd overheard and so gave me a stern talking to. I really don't know how NeverEnding Story relates to the above experience other than it was what was occupying my mind at the time. Either way, it did open the door for a few other lessons as well. Aside from me learning that some words should not be said, especially by anyone as young as two or three, I also learned something else from The NeverEnding Story: Some people, mostly guys, could make my stomach take a flying leap up into my throat.

I was lucky with The NeverEnding Story, as there were two characters I had a young crush on: Bastian (Barret Oliver) and Atreyu (Noah Hathaway). Mostly, I loved Bastian, but apparently there was a little bit of love left over for the cowboy/Native American tough guy. Oddly enough, they are basically the same character.

What I love most about The NeverEnding Story is its concept: A bullied young boy finds courage and friendship in the pages of a story, which changes with each reader. So, Atreyu is just an aspect of Bastian's personality that hasn't been fully expressed in the real world. As a young boy myself, very conscious of my miniscule size, I related to Bastian's desperation, and it probably didn't help that I found Bastian to be attractive as well. And so, Bastian became my first screen-crush.

The second young crush I remember, and it was the one that revealed a lot later in life, was for Russell "Russ" Thompson Jr. (Thomas Wilson Brown) in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. I don't have this film now (and I should get it because I remember liking it, not just for Russ), but this particular film holds a special place in my heart because my memories of watching it while in daycare were the first memories that helped me realized that my being gay was not a choice, but something natural. After all, when I had no concept of attraction, nor the struggles I would encounter later in life, I remember sitting on the floor in daycare during "movie time," watching Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. While the movie played I remember my stomach doing strange things every time Russ was on screen; a pit of nervousness welled up in me, especially at the end when Russ held hands with that blond girl on the screen. As with my earlier post over The Little Mermaid, I found myself wanting to be that blond girl, not because I really wanted to be a girl, but because she had the pleasure of holding Russ' hand.

First Tears: Short Circuit 2 (1988) and E. T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

A recent conversation with my parents reminded me of a story that my sister will never live down. My mother always likes telling this story because it just seems so indicative of my sister's inability to cry over anything in movies unless it involves animals and cute, funny little robots.

Apparently, while watching Short Circuit 2 at the theaters, when it looked as though Johnny 5 had met his demise, my sister burst into tears, not the kind that lightly roll over the cheeks, but the great, heaving kind that render many kids incapable of breathing properly for at least half an hour. Add to this the fact that my sister kept wailing and screaming, "Johnny 5!" at the top of her lungs, and my parents have a funny story to tell for the rest of their days.

This story got me thinking: What is the earliest film I ever cried over? This one is a bit hard because, while I was apparently a bit more sensitive than my sister, I don't remember a great crying episode quite like the one above. However, I do remember crying during The NeverEnding Story when it became clear Artax was not going to make it out of The Swamps of Sadness.

But the prize, I think, must go to E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, mostly because that damn movie still makes me cry. I may still tear up for Artax, but it's nothing compared to the rivers that come streaming down my face when E. T. places his amber glowing finger on Elliot's (Henry Thomas) forehead and slowly says, "I'll be right here." Just writing that gives me goosebumps.

Obviously, since E. T. came out the year I was born, I didn't make it to the theater. If I had, I'm quite sure I would have given my parents an embarrassing story to tell. I wouldn't cry like that until many years later, watching Crash alone in my living room. Now, that's a post I'll save for later.

By the way, I had a crush on Elliot, too. Goodness, I sure was "boy crazy."